2016 - Realising Stuff



Twenty Sixteen.
Twenty Bloody Sixteen.

What a year eh?

I know so many people have been lamenting about 2016 being the worst thing ever and you dont even have to question me on the fact theres been so many awful things happening this year that I wouldn’t even know where to start writing them down. Sometimes I dread opening my Twitter in the morning just to see whats going on and I’ve had more dead celebrity news notifications I’ve become pretty numb to it all.

We all had a good chuckle when Kylie Jenner said 2016 was about realising stuff, but damn even though it sounds dumb as hell for me it really was about... realising... stuff.

I made a promise to myself at the beginning of the year that this year was about me, sorting myself out and working on myself on a emotional level. I was allowed to choose my own path, I was allowed to do my own thing and I was allowed to not be so hard on myself. I’d been through some pretty traumatic years leading up to this point and it was about time I let myself feel the feelings that I was avoiding so much up to this point and just you know… let myself deal with them.

Selfishness is a very common theme in my life, and its something I’d like to work on but I also think its part of my own sense of self. I know that I lack empathy a lot of the time and often i’d only ever think about myself and how I feel or what I wanted to do and not about how others might feel too. That had all squished up into a big ball of nothingness - But mainly how different from I thought I felt was compared to how I actually felt. I’d repressed so much of my life for so long that I didn’t quite know where I was supposed to be, who I wanted to be and where I was actually going. Being a super self aware person is something that I dont know if its a good or a bad thing.

Fighting through the feelings of guilt and unrest for not doing things that I felt I should do was the theme of the latter half of 2016 and that really put me in a strange ol’ headspace. I’ve never been a career focused person, but now I sort of hate the fact I'm not career driven. Despite it being something that I’d not really cared too much about before, it’s something that I'm learning to embrace and its about time I kicked it up a notch. I want to feel like I'm doing well again and that's going to be a huge theme for me going into the new year. I dont really like to set goals but I do have enough self belief that I can do anything if I put my mind to it and it’s about time I did exactly that. I love creating so much but Youtube can often feel formulaic as there's a certain look or feel videos have to have to do well or be popular these days. But I need to get over that feeling of making stuff in a certain way to appeal to certain audiences and just create without feeling restricted by a platform. I think I need to get back into the mindset of “is this video something I’d watch”.

However I do feel like this year was the year I stopped focusing on my online life and lived my real one. I’ve been blogging for almost 7 years now, which in internet years makes me an OAP. I’ve seen the landscape change so dramatically over the years I’d had periods of wondering if there is still a place for me on the internet. I’ve never really cared about numbers but I what do care about being useful and having something to offer. And while showing a bunch of clothes you bought on the internet doesn’t sound like it’s helpful hearing peoples stories about how they bought something I suggested in a video and they got compliments on it makes me feel good. I want to make that a huge focus for me going forward and focus on being helpful rather than adhering to some unwritten rule book.

When i lived in London I felt like I lived so much of my life online. Everything I did was a blog post or something I could post on my social media. My camera or phone barely left my hand at any point. I felt like a lot of the time I stopped living the moment and started living for the insta. Since moving to Brighton and meeting people who aren’t all about social media I realised that their is life beyond what you see on your iPhone screen. And as much as I love my pals from London dont get me wrong (I still love you so much if you read this!), I’d just started to presume that was the norm, and was what everyone did. My life had been warped so much by seeing all these people living their best lives all the time I felt like I’d lost touch with actual irl people. I think its the creator's prerogative if they choose to portray their life in a certain way they see fit online but with my refreshed look on life I started to sort of resent it.

I found it really interesting on one of my trips to my parents earlier this year and took some time to look at my good friends from home’s social media and it was interesting that some of them their last Instagram was posted 14 weeks ago. Where as I get guilty if I dont post on Instagram for a few days let alone a few weeks. Not that anyone notices or cares if I do or dont post apart from me, but that was a mindset I'd drilled into myself. But on the flip side I started realising as I was going through my own feed I never talked about my friends or posted photos of the things I did because for some reason I was so wrapped up in keeping my life to myself. Like I’d become so protective of something that really didn’t need protecting at all. I was just being selfish and choosing not to share things because… I dont know. I never really worked out why I didn’t and it sort of makes me sad I haven't captured as many memories in photo form due to my own stubbornness. 

As you can tell from my jumbled attempt at getting some feelings typed out (?) was just so inside my head about my life at this time. But the weirdest part about all this swimming inside my head, I was actually pretty happy and overall pretty content. I dont think I had a bad year in the slightest, it was a year I really worked out who I was, what I needed in my life and accepted a lot of things. I did some awesome things and met some amazing friends. I smiled and laughed a lot. I travelled and holiday-ed and most importantly had fun. And what's life without having fun?

I regret nothing about the last year of my life and although it wasn’t a perfect one it was good. It was about healing and dealing with stuff that I put off while all the time rebuilding my life and working out what I want to do going forward. And do I have the answer to the question “what do you want to do next” yet? Hell no! But am I in a place where it’s the right time to start figuring it out without making a knee jerk reaction to protect myself. Yup. 


I always think you shouldn't wait till New Year to change yourself if you truly want to, does it really have a huge difference in feelings between the 31st December and the 1st January - Not really. But I think it's always good to draw a metaphorical line under it all and start a new part in your life. Never let anyone dictate to you how you should or shouldn't feel or how you should express yourself. Live your best life the way you see fit and eventually, it will just all fall into place.

So in all, Im excited about whats to come in 2017. Im sure there will be a lot more darkness and unrest in the world but I think it’s okay sometimes to live in your little bubble of self care and be allowed to feel the things you feel. Figuring yourself out is the hardest part of life and something I think we all seek answers too very quickly as it feels like everyone else has got their life in check when you aren’t quite there yet. Being in control about your own destiny is the best feeling ever and it's so easy to take it for granted. 

 Peace.

23 comments

  1. Hi Lily,
    I couldn't agree more. I had some ups and downs in 2016 too (like everyone probably) and I loved the part 'about healing and dealing with stuff...'
    I've been following you for many years now and I love your development in Brighton. A true inspiration because it really comes across that you do what you want to. Create fun stuff and keeping the spirit of blogging back in 2010. Instead of doing the same every London based blogger/vlogger seems to be doing (not that I don't like their work, yet it can be repetetive). I really hope you keep up the great work and keep inspiring me and others.
    Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful start to 2017.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello, I am Theresa Williams After being in relationship with Anderson for years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to my friend and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem. email: drogunduspellcaster@gmail.com you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or any other Case.

      1) Love Spells
      2) Lost Love Spells
      3) Divorce Spells
      4) Marriage Spells
      5) Binding Spell.
      6) Breakup Spells
      7) Banish a past Lover
      8.) You want to be promoted in your office/ Lottery spell
      9) want to satisfy your lover
      Contact this great man if you are having any problem for a lasting solution
      through drogunduspellcaster@gmail.com

      Delete
  2. Lol I just laughed at the Kylie Jenner reference... but also true. I feel the same way about making a change-- why wait for one hour a year to declare you're going to change? One should just do it if they feel the innate desire to change.

    xx Heather | stormywheather.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. Such a good post! It's so hard with YouTube and blogging... There definitely is an expectation in terms of the content that one uploads and it can be really hard to battle with that "what do people want to see" vs "what I want to upload". This year, for me anyway, is going to be about striking up a good balance. Happy New Year!

    www.dizzymisselizabeth.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  4. Loved this post Lily!
    www.petiteelliee.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. I was similar to you and stopped caring about being online so much and it was refreshing.... I think it's empowering being able to be like 'I'm going out and I don't need a photo to prove it'

    Sarah | More Than Adored

    ReplyDelete
  6. I appreciate how open and honest you are. Thank you so much for sharing and I wish you a very Happy New Year!! Xo

    ReplyDelete
  7. I would like more information about this, because it is very nice. Thanks for sharing. The game five nights at freddy’s 4 you like it? The official hotmail sign in app brings the best of hotmail login to your iPhone or iPad

    ReplyDelete
  8. Have a look about the upcoming device "OnePlus 4" and get details OnePlus 4 Release Date here.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I loved how you opened up in this post.. and are even so open about criticising yourself! Loved it!

    xx Lisa
    lisaautumn.com

    ReplyDelete
  10. I completely agree with this fabulous post with YouTube and blogging you can get sucked into that fit of creating content that's not you or not what you want! I think this post was really inspirational!!

    Sophie x
    www.sophobsessed.com

    ReplyDelete
  11. I actually loved this so much. I moved abroad to Germany in September and was totally forced to spend time on my own and focus on myself which was pretty strange for me as I always surround myself with friends and we would be in contact constantly. It's been a nice change though to have so much time to myself and having to only think about myself is actually pretty refreshing. X

    misszarabelle.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  12. I would like more information about this, because it is very nice. Thanks for sharing. The game five nights at freddy’s 4 you like it? The official hotmail sign in app brings the best of hotmail login to your iPhone or iPad

    ReplyDelete
  13. Totally relate to the guilt aspect! Glad you're taking time for yourself x

    ReplyDelete
  14. 2017 will be your year! It's all about finding balance and it looks like you have in the past few months.

    - Elodie x

    www.elle-yeah.com

    ReplyDelete
  15. Such a well-written post Lily, I hope 2017 is amazing for you! ♥

    Amy // snippetsofamy.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  16. 2016 has been a roller-coaster, that's for sure. I'm not entirely sure 2017 will be any different though - one can only hope.
    The most important thing is to come to terms with who you are, learn to accept yourself and realize that you need to satisfy yourself as well, no only your following.
    Have a great year, Lily!

    Alexandra W. of 9to5Beauty

    ReplyDelete
  17. I love this, focus and honesty can only be a good thing!

    Maria xxx

    ReplyDelete
  18. My ex and I were together for 5 years. We lived together and were engaged. We went on a trip with friends and his family and had a nasty fight and broke up. We both moved out of our home and with our parents. We decided to go no contact for a month and 2 weeks in he started dating a girl and took her on a trip to California ( where we’ve gone the last 2 years on my bday) on my birthday weekend! After battling it out thru emails and a few meetings we finally came to see each other all of last week, i love him so much and i was so desperate to have him back coz i new that girl was not the right person for him so i have to save my relationship and reunite with me ex again so i try all i could to bring him back but all to avail i have be in contact with so many spell caster who only too my money and still nothing good work out of it, i ws so confuse and devastated one day trying to search on facebook, i come across a wonderful testimony of a lady on how a spell caster who she contacted also for love spell help her and bring her husband back to her with-in less day 2 days after the spell i was so fill with joy coz this lady meant my day and i regain my hope back so i directly and desperately email http://happyspelltemple.webs.com/ coz i love my ex so much and i want him back all to my self so with-in 5 min,Dr happy email me back with hope and told me that i have found solution in him that i should worried no more so i did all he ask of me and he gave me assured and guarantee that my ex will come back so i believed and was so gifted all to my surprise after the spell my ex call, come to my working beg and apology for his mistake,and he said sorry for the nasty break up that he was inconsiderate of my feelings nt in tend to hurt me. i can testify with the power love spell of Dr happy me and my ex are happily married now thank you Dr happy i will for ever be grateful to you and keep sharing your testimony if you need help or love spell fine it difficult to get back with your ex, email happylovespell2@gmail.com or call his mobile number on +2348133873774

    ReplyDelete

  19. Thanks for sharing your info. I really appreciate your efforts and I will be waiting for your further write.
    Thanks for sharing !
    tanki online 2 | game 2048 online

    ReplyDelete
  20. I'm so excited that you're getting really back into blogging this year. I have recently got back into blogs after kind of deserting them for YouTube (although I still love your channel!) and I'm intrigued to see what you do with yours and look forward to seeing more little insights into your life on social media.
    Btw you seem to be getting loads of spam comments, sorry if you've already noticed and are working on it!

    ReplyDelete

if you have any questions feel free to tweet me @llymlrs!

© Lily Melrose - UK Style and Fashion Blog • Theme by Maira G.