honest to blog : 2013

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If I was just looking back on my photos from 2013... Then it'd look like I had one of the best years of my life. Yet behind the filtered Instagrams and happy snaps, it felt like it was the worst. I was going to make this a video, so I do apologise that this is going to be a majorly long post, but in some ways I really want to get a lot of things off my chest and close a door to a part of my life. I'm no writer, so if you read it then great if not then skip to the TLDR bit or just look at the photos!. I warn you its very rambly, but my frank and honest feelings about the last year.

Earlier in the year, I made a video called "Alone Together", People ask about that video a lot, but I had to private it for personal reasons, you can see my blog post here. As someone with extreme control issues, my life had spiralled and I'd lost control. I just wasn't “me” anymore. The bottom line, I wasn't happy, I wasn't myself. I was this totally different person who was insecure, unhappy and broken. There was no single reason I felt like this, it was a mixture of things. Some of which had been bothering me for years, the problem was it all coming out all at the same time. I normally have quite a structured and methodic outlook on my life, But for the first time I felt totally and utterly lost.

I touched on it before, but I've been quite ill on and off for the majority of the year. My sleeping took a turn for the worse as I developed insomnia after starting to get night terrors. Even now I really struggle to sleep because I worry about waking up in a panic. As I was so ill that sometimes I couldn't physically get out of bed, I was so drained. I might talk about things sometime in the future. But for now, I just want to make sure y'all know that I'm alright, and things are manageable.

So that's a brief low down to the emotional and physical side of it. Now the blogging bit. This is hard for me to talk about without feeling a bit weird. Its hard to explain without sounding ungrateful or petty. I reality I feel a bit silly even admitting it because I know I have what is deemed a "successful" blog. In fact, I have two fairly successful blogs, and I can see people tutting at me writing this, but this is genuinely how I felt about my blogging life in 2013.

Using Marilyn Monroe as an example... At her peak, she was in a constant battle with her inner demons. She never felt she was “good” enough, despite being one of the most desirable actresses at the time. She had a rocky personal life paired with crippling anxiety and she was highly self consciousness despite portraying the whole "Marilyn Monroe" persona in public. This year considered packing it all in a few times because I couldn't face the idea of talking about myself on the internet. I was insecure and deeply troubled by my own thoughts and for the first time in my life, I lacked ambition, drive and passion.

While I've blogged consistently, albeit with a few breaks most of 2013, I sort of just “treaded water” in the blogging world. I made no progress in moving my content forward or updating my format to fit the 2013 blogger mould. Blogging mid life crisis? Maybe... but I think it was a little bit of green eyed monster, a shift in growth paired with the fact I just felt like I wasn't “good enough” at blogging.

This was the year blogging went editorial. Long gone are the days of having "just for fun" or “homegrown” style blogs where it doesn't matter what you post about or if you can write or take photos properly. Blogs are the new online magazines. Us bloggers are finally being taken serious by the industry that has shunned us for so long, but I can't help but feel it's damaged what blogging was all about in the first place. Who knows what will happen in the next year. Just look how vlogging has changed in 2013, These people are legit celebs.

It's only now I realised that there was nothing wrong with my blog. It's blogging that has changed dramatically in 2013. You HAD have to keep up with the times or fall behind. I was barely engaged with the community so why would people engage with me. The community aspect of blogging has all but vanished in the blogosphere with it feeling like bloggers are afraid to share traffic, recommend each other and even comment. Its harder and harder for new bloggers to breakthrough and "make it". Sometimes I think the blogging ship has sailed and it's too late to get into it and get big. But you never know. As a blogging community, we should take a leaf of the Vloggers and Youtubers books. They are much more open to promoting each others content, collaborating and sharing their audiences. No wonder they've levelled up and blogging is just feeling a bit.. stale.

The thing is even though I felt like my blog was failing. I've had one of the most successful years financially, opportunity and career wise. I've worked with countless brands on blogging and behind the scenes projects including TresSemme, eBay, St Tropez, Toni & Guy, Topshop, Boohoo and Kiss FM. I've styled shoots, been shot for campaigns, ran social media channels and planned and activated successful online content. I've had two very successful LFW's in which I went to countless shows and backstage, I went to Amsterdam with DKNY, attended festivals as VIP and went to the premiere of Anchorman 2 and those are only a few things off the top of my head. I forget how surreal and overwhelming the opportunities I've had in my life.

Honestly, I did genuinely enjoy all the things I've done this year. But I could never shake the feeling that I didn't deserve it, and I wasn't good enough to be in that position. I blindly went into blogging 4 years ago and never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine living the life I do now. What Im trying to say that its you can still be really insecure or unhappy with yourself despite being successful. I've always felt like one day people would realise how much of a phony I was and it'd all come crashing down around me. In my head, I see that person I used to be. That awkward country teenager, who didn't really have any friends and certainly wasn't looked up to or cared about not the person I've grown into since starting this journey as a blogger.

It's taken me a long time to accept how dramatically different my life is from most people my age. Im 23 and have my own business. Not only that, one that I built myself and made financially viable. Which allows me to live in London and live a very comfortable and enriched life. As a blogger, with my friends being bloggers, surrounded by even more bloggers and vloggers. It's easy to be in this “London Blogger/Vlogger” bubble where freebies and press events are the norm. Where you get pissed off because so and so brand didn't send your their latest release, despite having two unopened palettes sitting in a drawer or you didn't get an invite to such a such event. Most bloggers wont admit it, but its the truth. Cattiness and jealousy is rife... but it's all so petty and silly. In 2014, I'm definitely going to stop comparing myself to others and work towards accepting that I do deserve everything I've achieved in my life because I've worked hard daily for four years building my own brand and selling myself. To paraphrase Drake - I started from the bottom now I'm here.

I'm genuinely thankful and incredibly humbled by everything my blog has done to my life from the inner confidence its given me to the emotional support that having a huge network behind me. I felt care about by other people for the first time in my life and thats really something I've struggled to accept. I cant thank you enough for reading my blog, being there for me when I needed you to be and just generally coming along for the ride.

I'm not very good at talking about feelings openly. I never have been. Even my Therapist says Im rubbish at it. I think its really important to remember there is more to a person's life than what they choose to share on social media. Its even more important to remember that what people (not just bloggers) put out is always the best possible version of themselves and their life. Mediated personalities are rife on social media, and its easy to think someones life is all roses when in reality, you just don't know.

Although I've gone off on a tangent, Like I said in my Alone Together video, things DO get better. If something knocks you back, take all the time you need to get back on top again. Trust me, It will happen. Right now I'm working towards making myself the best possible version of myself in real life, not just on the internet. I've taken control of my future, plus I'm more determined than ever to take those baby steps towards changing my life for the better. I think it took me hitting rock bottom in my life to realise how happy I could be if I only I let myself feel that way and more importantly enjoy it.

TL;DR: 2013 was bittersweet, but a big kick up the bum. Here's to 2014.


  1. Thank you for sharing this Lily it sounds like you've had a tough year to deal with. It's hard for some people to realise that just because something looks pretty and dandy in an instagram filter doesn't mean that your life is in order and that you're happy. I think it's great you're talking about it, it makes you feel better even though it's so hard to share. I can sympathise with feelings of utter self hatred and anxiety and it took a really great therapist to help me see the light but like you said it gets better and you already sound so much stronger for it. I really admire you work ethic and your attitude, I hope 2014 brings you some serenity and a big dose of self love. You rally do deserve it
    Nina from little nomad

  2. Love your honesty and I hope 2014 will be a brighter happier year for you :)

  3. I'm so sorry that this year felt like such a negative one for you Lily, it's always awful when you try your hardest to feel good about things but just can't and there's nothing wrong with that. You are only human, like everyone else. I hope 2014 is fab for you, you're one of the main reasons I started my blog this year and I hope you feel more positive about this year xx

  4. Loved this, very personal, but really inspiring and nice to read. I really relate to you in serveral points and I found it helpful to get a bit of an overview of you and what it is like to have a successful blog! Cheers to (hopefully) a good 2014,
    xx Lisa

  5. I love this text, Lily. I read it through and really felt with you. It is so brave of you to write all these things and let your readers feel like your friends. I wish you all the best for the new year and a lot of luck, self-esteem and love. xo

  6. Thank you so much for your honest words, yes, I read the complete text, and I´m impressed how you reflected yourself and which results you received after this bittersweet year 2013 for you. I think this year and this experiences were necessary for you and now the way is open for you to go on with you, your life and your carreer. I made by myself the experience that such depressed times are really important to sort out what we don´t longer need and that we really appreciate what we did for our own life and success - and who we are.

    And if again a hard time comes in your life, I think you will remember, how important are such times for the own development and you will allow you not to be happy.

    I wish you only the best - you deserve this!

    xx from Bavaria/Germany, Rena


  7. Looking back at the last year, as much as it has had its good points, it has definitely not been one of the best. I always think New Year is a load of crap, like how can someone be different tomorrow from what they were today?? BUT I am gonna embrace it this time and am making a conscious effort myself to be ME and put things together how I want them to be, not how I think people think they should be. We're all our own little jigsaws :) just gotta keep finding the right pieces to go in the right places, bit by bit! I think this post was a great way to rid yourself of some stuff and start fresh with the New Year and I think a LOT of people will relate. Hope you have a good one! xxx

  8. In a nutshell Lily. So good to see someone 'higher' up the blogging ladder than me, who seemingly has such a successful career, feel these things too. I feel like a farce, like one day it is going to come crashing down around me because blogging isn't 'viable'. People IRL don't understand how it can be my job...lets hope 2014 proves them wrong! Happy New Year lovely x

  9. You're so brave for writing this. And as a new blogger it was really quite insightful for me to see things from your much more established point of view.
    Have an amazing 2014!

  10. I've followed your blog from the early beginning and have enjoyed watching it, and you, grow. There is no doubt in my mind that you deserve every inch of success and the achievements in your life so far - you worked for it! I hope that 2014 brings you everything you need to be hppylly :)


  11. This is a wonderful text Lily. I think you deserve everything you have reached through blogging, because you are an amazing blogger. I admire you about being able to write about such personal things (I am also rubbish at talking about them, but I also wouldn't be able to write about them so openly, I think).

    I hope 2014 will be a fabulous year for you, with great opportunities and great people, because that's what you deserve.

    I am very glad that I found your blog this year, you seem like a wonderful person! ♥

  12. Lovely post.... very raw and very honest. The fact that you can say these things is a sign that you are on your way too brighter days... recognizing, admitting and most importantly dealing with things... is half a battle won.
    2014? who knows what it will bring?.... however I truly believe that if YOU BELIEVE it will be great.... there will be no other choice..Happy New Year sweetie.x


  13. I read all of this post & found the way you've felt kinda relatable. I've not felt like me for a good part of 2013 & find it difficult explaining how I feel, my counsellor often told me I was confused & would go off on a tangent about things that were so unimportant. I'm sorry you've felt down though, lets hope 2014 brings us both a fresh start & lots of happiness!

    L x


    1. p.s you deserve all the success you've had with your blog, you're blog has been one of my favourites for a few years now, I still get excited when I see a new post from you! x

  14. a lot of things you wrote Lily made me realize how hard life is in the first place. Don't let it trouble yourself, problems are as big as we make them, and it's always about the context the grow in. I know what anxiety is, i know what "not feeling worth enough" feels, i know what it's like to be depressed and clueless. But i've been following your blog for a few years now and all i can say is that, even though i understand a person is not only what he/she decides to share on the internet, you've always been an inspiration to me, even though i'm older that you..! ;) I really hope your 2014 will be amazing, and... i don't know, i just wanted to let you know that your videos (i LOVE your channel on youtube) and your blog posts always put a smile on my face :) a big hug from an italian reader (btw sorry for the random english)!
    Noemi :)


  15. I am so glad you shared this Lily, your honesty is amazing. Sometimes when you look at big bloggers instagrams etc you really can just presume they have the perfect life and it really isn't the case. I am really sorry to hear you have been feeling down this past year, and i really hope 2014 will be a better year for you. You truly deserve everything you have achieved through blogging, you have inspired me to start a blog, and you have inspired me to work as hard as you do to achieve all the wonderful things you truly deserve. I hope 2014 will be a happier year for you, and remember everything you have achieved through blogging really is well deserved, the effort you put into your posts is phenomenal!

    Happy New Year!

    Celine from Vintage Teapot

  16. It sounds very much as if you suffer from imposter sydrome with regards to your feelings about your success as a blogger. Maybe have a look into it (there's a lot of books and online articles bout it) because it really helped me with my career to know that lots of very successful people were crippled by these feelings too. x

  17. loved the honesty in this post, i suffer from problems so similar to yours :)
    hope you have a good new year and good luck for 2014 :)

    Rachel x
    Style Soup

  18. You should never feel like you have to compete with anybody, you're blog and you are fantastic!
    I've been on Blogger for over 4 years, following you and others and writing a blog and I do defo agree that many people don't just blog for a hobbie anymore, it's a shame of course, but just know that your blog is full of greatness, knowledge and its generally a very good read.
    Hope you have a better new year x

  19. Sending internet hugs your way, I hope 2014 is much better for you! You absolutely deserve all the success you've had, I've followed you for a few years and you work so hard at it, so go you :) xx

  20. Thanks for sharing this - completely agree about people assuming everything's fine and dandy - because that's all they see on the internet - no-one ever shows the bad moments. I hope 2014 is better for you x

  21. Found this a very interesting read as it is exactly as I imagined 'big' bloggers to feel deep down. I personally find you one of the more 'realistic' bloggers when I read your posts/watch your videos. It's nice to see that even though in 'real life' people struggle, people are brave enough to admit it on here - too many blogs paint this picture of perfect lives with cupcakes, floral bedsheets and candles burning 24/7 haha. You do deserve your success, hope you feel continue to feel happier next year :) x

  22. Thanks for sharing this, I still can't bring myself to share what's really going on in my life on my blog, even on days when I've felt like utter rubbish I make sure I never show it in my posts. At the moment my blog is just a hobby but I think I'd like to grow it into a business in the future. Although 2013 may not have been your best year, look at all your achievements, 2014 can only get better.

    Natalie x


  23. Hope 2014 is a better year for you. Just wanted to say how refreshing it was to see someone being honest about blogging jealousy/cattiness and for someone to appreciate how different their life is from someone typical their age rather than pretending they have a 'normal' life. For the record I prefer reading blogs that read like someone's thoughts and hate reading some of the big, high profile blogs that read like the person is working for like a crap magazine.

  24. Thanks for sharing this post Lily, very honest of you and thats one of the reasons I adore your blog, I've been reading it for the past few years now and your such an inspiration. Wishing you all the best for 2014 lovely xx

  25. Wow, great post, Lily. One of the big downsides of cyberspace is that picture posts are the new clown's mask - put on a smile and no one realises that behind the make up is someone crying out as they don't feel great. We've opened our private lives up so much with technology and part of the fallout from that is that we feel the need to 'put on even more make up' to make it seem like we're having a fantastic life, when in reality life's just not like that and it's perfectly normal not to feel good about yourself all the time. Makes those good times that much sweeter when you do feel good :). Your frankness and honesty's the best part about your post and here's hoping 2014 is a really good one for you x

  26. It's lovely to read a post that is so honest and open, I really hope 2014 is everything you want it to be xx

  27. love your honesty in this post! a lot of the time i feel like bloggers or vloggers are being fake, and just pretending to be happy all the time, when that's not true at all. Life has it's up and downs and everyone has to deal with it. xx

  28. I absolutely loved reading this post, it was something that really struck a chord with me. Although I'm not been blogging for very long, I've always struggled to keep myself motivated with the feeling that it'll never be good enough. I'm not even sure who for, myself, others, I don't know.
    I've also had a very odd year in terms of my feelings, of which I've been using my favourite bloggers to compare their 'perfect' lives with mine which was anything but - something that was both incredibly unhelpful and unhealthy. And it's only in the last few weeks that I've began changing my thought patterns, which are slowly changing my total outlook on everything, things gets better. Once you've hit rock bottom, the only way is up!
    I admire you massively for how honest you've been in this post and I hope that 2014 brings you all of the happiness you deserve!


  29. i would just like to say that this post was so inspirational as I am a new blogger and everything you said about new bloggers is exactly how I feel. You have done so well for yourself and no matter what people say they can never take your achievements away from you and if you continue the direction you're going you will stay on top but be proud of yourself you are a great role model and by writing this post you have helped/touched alot of other bloggers out there (me included) making new bloggers not feel alone and feeling as though they are going unnoticed and might still have a chance of having a 'successful' blog just knowing people are taking the time to read what we have written is a great feeling. Grab 2014 by both hands. xxo

  30. I can relate to you in so many things, this was really inspiring to read, I loved it. It wasn't the best year neither for me and I'm very happy it's ending. I wish you a better 2014 and I hope you keep on blogging, because your blog is one of my favorites!

    xoxo, Peppi

  31. looks & sounds like such a fun year! wishing you the best for 2014! xx

  32. This is completely refreshing to read.

    As I said on Twitter I can completely relate to you re: the blogging thing. I went as far as to delete my old blog (woops!) and quit style blogging altogether because I felt so disconnected and out of it with it all. I think we've lost that sense of tight-knit, supportive community, too. I wish I hadn't reacted so rashly now, but at the time it felt as though it was the right thing to do.

    I'm really glad you didn't though, because you've built something to be so proud of. Your blog was one of the very first I started reading all those years ago and in turn it inspired me to start my own! If you did that to me three years ago, think of how many other girls you've inspired to do the exact same since then. I may not comment very often (bad habit) but I'm behind you all the way.

    It's been an odd year overall, here's to a happier one in 2014! and one where you'll feel as though you're accomplishing these goals that you have set out! All the best xx

  33. I've not really been one for commenting on blogs, but it's taken me by surprise how honest and relatable what you said about blogging.

    I had a blog about 4 years ago that I was really happy with and loved producing. I met some lovely girls and I loved the opportunities it gave me. But this was just when blogging was starting to become a 'thing' and PR companies and fashion brands were starting to take notice. Over the course of a year of which I had my blog, even I had noticed changes - as a more recognisable blog, there was a certain pressure exerted that you've mentioned but rarely talked about on me and the other girls I knew. I tried to ignore it and keep a level head, but in the end, I had to give up my blog, partly because I needed to concentrate on medical school but also because blogging began to become less enjoyable than it used to. I really missed it so I just stopped following blogs because it was too painful.

    Now, I've only recently started following blogs again and I think having had a break, I could tell there's been a real change in the blogging atmosphere. It seems to be a lot more about sponsors and what brands are on your blog and to be honest, it feels more impersonal and a lot more unfriendly, which I find is the saddest bit. A lot of the girls I was friends with have stopped blogging and I'd love to find out why and whether it was due to the same reasons I had.

    Anyway, after that essay, I just wanted to say, sometimes it's good to just step outside and see the bigger picture - why do I care about comparing my blog to others? Does it really matter if I haven't been invited to a press release? And if your blog doesn't make you happy any more, why do it? And I'm sure it does make you happy because you obviously put a lot of effort into it.

    I've started a new blog now, which is now just a personal one to give me the creative output I had been missing so much. I'm not looking for it be popular, I don't want to make money from it (I have a very stressful job already, I don't need another!), I doubt it'll have many followers. But I'll be happy if I manage to read a few posts like this one, start discussions and make a few friends along the way.

    Best of luck to you in the New Year. I really hope you find it better, because honestly, you are doing great.

  34. This really touched a nerve with me, to see that even people whose success I aspire to share the same emotions as I do. I chose to not go to uni this year and have been left quite out of the loop with many 'friends', and I'm hoping to work towards making myself a better person with great success and meeting people who truly make me feel valuable.
    I read somewhere once, 'you have to learn to select your thoughts like you do your clothes' which is a pretty good statement I find :)
    lots of love and positivity to you, and to all who feel like this equally.
    Lauren xx
    Britton Loves - www.brittonloves.blogspot.co.uk

  35. Well said :) I have no idea how I found your blog, but I am so glad that I did! I love your outlook on life and you're just pure awesome. Cheers to a new year and I hope 2014 is amazing to you!

  36. Sometimes being kind to yourself is the hardest thing. I've come to realise over the years that comparing yourself to others will only lead to unhappiness. We only get one life and it's too precious to waste being miserable. Happy 2014! I hope it's a fabulous one, Emma xx

  37. takes guts to write a post like this. Thanks for opening up to your readers, it makes us feel closer to you because we can relate.

  38. Thank you for sharing this Lily. It's very inspiring.

  39. Hope 2014 is better for you Lily, I've also not had the best year, and am feeling pretty similar, love from one blogger to another, heres to the new year! :) xx

  40. What an honest and excellent read. I'm sorry you've had such a hard time this year but it sounds like you are getting things under control. Honesty on the internet is such a rare thing. I tend to keep quiet about my feelings because I know that people will just roll their eyes or label you as a negative Norah.

    I can relate to the bad relationship thing, and the 'emotional abuse'. It's not until it's too late that we see it. Thankfully one day i found courage (from god knows where!) to end that.

    We shouldn't really compare ourselves to others but we do it. Why do we do it to ourselves! You are good enough. Your blog is great. I've got more than 10 years on you and am not nearly as successful. Good on you girl.

    I hope that in 2014 you soar, soar higher than before. I hope in 2014 that I can get some sense of purpose and self esteem back. I hope that in 2014 we find some inner peace.

    happy new year Lily x

  41. this is definitely an enlightening post in the fact that i'm not alone with some of these feelings. i started blogging as a means to write and express myself but i soon discovered it to be not quite as expected. don't get me wrong, i love it, but i do agree in the fact that it has become 'editorial'. i've taken 'blogging breaks' countless times this past year and although i have always given the excuse of not having enough time, i recently realised it was in fact my lack of confidence.

    anyway, i hope your tough year is now behind and that you can move forward to more positive things. i wish you all the best as i think you truly deserve it! chin up and just keep thinking happy thoughts

    xo Sarah

  42. I'm so humbled by how open you're being! It takes a lot to be this honest!
    It makes me happy to know you are prepared to not fit into the boundaries that seem to hold most bloggers nowadays, and that you can share these things and portray the reality I think every blog needs.
    I hope you continue to build yourself as a person and find the happiness you need. Things do get better; I know it.
    Happy New Year Lily!x

  43. Although you think you rambled, it read perfectly. It read honestly and its actually made me relate so much more to you as I tend to compare myself to people through instagram filters. I hope you continue to battle your demons.


  44. This was so enlightening and refreshing to read Lily. 2013 has definitely a year and a bit for the blogging community. Like you mentioned, the community and support has drastically changed this year and it really affected the way I blogged too. Things like comments and engaging with readers by emails and Tweets dropped off the radar in favour of people constantly promoting themselves. I've always always enjoyed reading your blog Lily, it was one of the first personal style blogs I read outside of the US girls and truly inspired my own. Fingers crossed to a better 2014 sweet, I really hope it's "your" year and can't wait to see what it holds for you! xx

  45. you're the best xxx thank you for this post!

  46. This text is so honest, but mostly it is you. Thank you so much for being yourself with all your flaws and perfect imperfections. You are an amazing young person, who has achieved so much, because of hard work. You deserve everything you have, because YOU are the one, who is responsible for it. Everything you have is something you worked for. Thank you for sharing this with us, you are an inspiration for every young women out there.

  47. Such an open and honest post. Wish you all the best for the new year!


  48. What an amazing post, well done for having the courage to write it and be so honest! I love reading your blog and your YouTube channel, and I hope 2014 is a good year for you! :) xxx


  49. Good on you for writing this post! I hope 2014 is a perfect year for you, and have a lovely new years eve Lily! xx

    Olivia | Thoughts, fashion and beauty.

  50. Thanks so much for sharing this with us all. It's great to hear other blogger stories.
    I can only say I hope 2014 will get better for you. My 2011/2012 was when I was seriously ill. So I know what that is like. I had a few hospital visits. Thank goodness for private health insurance in Australia otherwise I would have been broke.
    You are right about the blogging landscape.
    I think I began to blog at a really difficult time.
    Congrats on the successes you had in 2013 and make 2014 a great year!
    You are so young! You have all the time in the world.

  51. Thank you for being such an inspiration- I recently just started my own blog! I hope you have a great 2014 and look forward to supporting you!

  52. I hope you never think that your ranty blog posts are in vain.
    You're a blogger that I have looked up to since the beginning, more so for your advice rather than fashion...
    It was so great to see a blogger/youtuber open up about her emotions in the way that you did in your feeling alone video.
    I too am someone that has huge anxiety issues, and constantly feels alone. I never knew that you had a therapist and as much as I've wanted to go and see someone about my issue I've always felt as though 'normal' people don't need to talk to a professional. But you, and other bloggers/friends have helped me to see past that and seek help when I need it.
    You've also helped me to realise that I need to take my blog back to being personal and not about whether or not it's better that so and so's blog.
    I hope 2014 is a better year for you :-)
    Bethany x

  53. I can relate to this so so much! Really admire you for writing this and if its any consolation I adore your blogs and youtube channels. I wish you all the best in 2014 xx

  54. I really love this post. Today I was thinking on 2013, and I thought I've never been more grateful for a year to be over and ready for a new one. Up till about September, I was really unhappy and miserable...working towards things I thought I ought to be wanting for myself. Once I stopped thinking about the things I should be...and listening to the person I am and what I really want, a turn around happened...but it was pretty late into the year.

    I think sometimes it's good to have a rubbish year or to feel rubbish...because in that are some very hard and important lessons. You sound pretty down...but I encourage you to just stay true to yourself and BELIEVE in yourself. Yes, that's often easier said than done...but wouldn't have built this community around you if you did not deserve it. I hope in 2014 you can enjoy life more and really go for what makes you happy. Happy new year babe!


  55. Lily, there's a definite reason behind why I've followed your blogs for the past few years - your honesty makes your blog more "real". You have bad patches and unlike other bloggers who try to keep up a bubbly ohmydaizzz persona, you're honest to yourself and that's one of the reasons you're successful. Hope everything feels better for you nowadays, you're a lovely person.

  56. You are so brave to write this and put it out there Lily. More people than you know are going through something similar and it's so helpful to know you are not alone. Having been through something similar myself I know these things are testing, and this is a cliché, but you will look back in the years to come and think this is what made me.

    It doesn't need saying but your blog is fab, it's inspiring without being unreachable and thats seems to be pretty unique in the blogging world.

    wishing you all the best for 2014.

  57. Lilly this is so brave and honest to write all of this publicly, my respect has gone through the roof for you. I feel rather inspired now. (loving the drake quote in there too, on a lighter note!)
    Hoping all the happiness you and everyone for 2014, you deserve it all. x

  58. This is a really lovely and brave thing to share, I think its always hard to talk about these situations, but you have done it in a lovely way. I hope that you don't feel as bad, or give yourself a hard time throughout 2014, I have always been an avid reader of your blog, and have always loved the content you post.

    Take care

    Jess x

  59. I think it's incredible that you've decided to share all of this. I'm sure there are lots of other bloggers out there who feel similarly; we all have problems in our every day lives, it can be hard to keep a positive outlook online sometimes!
    I really do hope you start to feel better about things. You've achieved so much with this blog, when I think of successful bloggers you're the first name that springs to mind. And you DO deserve it all. Just remember how fantastic you are :)

    Helen at Hels Yeah! xx

  60. I wish I could sit here and write a comment that actually responds properly to this post but I can't, you have actually rendered me a bit speechless with your honesty! I hope you can start to feel better because you genuinely seem like a beautiful person inside and out!!:)

    Lots of love Becca xxx

  61. Agree with all the comments here, it must have taken a lot of courage to post this and people will definitely appreciate your honesty and respect you more as a person as well as a blogger. You have worked extremely hard to get to where you are and you should embrace that.

    Take care... :) xo

  62. Hi Lily,
    Thank you for this post, you are honest and I think that's why we all keep reading.
    To be honest, I think in some of your videos you could tell you were sad or sometimes "weren't really feeling it" You lacked that spark you had in 2012. I really hope you find it again this year in whatever you do.Good luck for 2014!
    Lots of love x

  63. I really love how honest you have been and admire you for sharing so much. Hope 2014 brings you lots of joy and happiness.

  64. Writing all of this must have been really difficult, I really admire you for being brave and honest about the blogging world, which I'm new to. I think it's really hard just being 23 and figuring out who you want to be in life, let alone doing it with thousands of followers and that added pressure. Best of luck for 2014 Lily, I think you're fab! xx


  65. It's so nice to hear honestly and openly about the author behind the blog. It's so easy to forget that even experienced bloggers have rough patches despite everything seeming perfect on the surface.
    I hope 2014 is a great year for you, not just in blogging, but in everything else you do.
    PS. I think your therapist would be impressed with this post!

  66. Loving these 2013 round up outfit posts.
    If you want to see come of my outfits from 2013, you can check them out here...

  67. I love how honest this post is - you sound like a really nice person. I enjoy reading your blog so much, I love your outfits but I love your videos (especially on your second channel) even more! Your personality seems so damn nice and funny and just like a real girl in her twenties living life with all ups and downs!

    Be you - you seem lovely ♥

    xx Jo Betty

  68. I cant totally relate with this post. I have started my own successful fashion design business and suddenly I have felt so unhappy for several reasons. I am completely insecure, negative about things and i've become such a worrier, which i never used to be. Im sure "this too shall pass" but i can totally understand what you mean.

    Anyway, i just wanted to let you know, that you and your blog completely make me calm down when i am anxious or depressed. I can really unwind when i settle to read your blog or watch your videos and you give me the strength to carry on, wake up and put some amazing outfit i have gotten the inspiration from and slap on the make up to look all ready for the day.

    Thank you for keeping up with your blog, not only for us, but for yourself and pushing through the struggles.

    I wish you the best of luck in the new year. <3

    xx Cristina.

  69. Thanks for sharing this with us :)
    Also, I completely agree with what you said about the "blogging world". It's not what it used to be...
    I hope 2014 is going to be better for you x


  70. Lily you're a very admirable person. Thanks for brightening my life with your beauty, style and honesty. I too feel that I'm inadequate most of the time, though I'm beginning to realise its my demons, not me, really.

    Here's to 2014.

  71. Lily, I wish you the best and most wonderful 2014. This year has been tough for so many people, and I think sometimes telling ourselves that it DOES get better isn't as soothing as we hoped. You're beautiful, talented and not matter how you feel sometimes you are GOOD ENOUGH! I'm so sorry to hear how ill you've been and how down you've felt... remember having a blog comes with friends in the form of readers and followers.. and we're all here for you. we all care about you and you mean so much to so many people. good luck with everything!

  72. Cheers to 2014 baby girl. You totally deserve every positive thing that came your way this year. I once listened to a Ted Talk from a woman who was talking about how she was unsure of her self. Long story short, she said believe it till you become it. You have become it so believe that you are worth it.

    Love You,
    Your faithful follower.

    Maggie A

  73. Lily, this was extremely touching.
    I've been following your blog and looking up to you since the beginning and seeing you grow has helped me grow myself so many times. I wish I could show you how grateful I am, or that you could see how much of an inspiration you are to me and how you being brave makes me try to be braver. You have no idea how much you remind me of myself. I hope you find the strength to learn how to love yourself more, it's definitely hard and something i'm working on as well. But we can do it together. You're really brave, beautiful, and smart and you truly are one of my role models.
    Things do get better and we must never lose hope.
    Thank you so much, for everything.

  74. I know this post has already had a lot of feedback but I thought I'd add my two cents. I read this yesterday and it really moved me. I've thought about it so much that I had to come back and comment! You're so brave and inspiring to present yourself on the internet the way you do, and your words really made me think a lot about my life and my attitude. I hope you have an amazing 2014, and that you do all the things you weren't able to this year, and that you're able to be all the things you couldn't be. Stay strong!

    Sophie | An Arrangement of Notes

  75. Thank you for being honest! I'm 22 and just graduated from college last month. I try not to show it, but I'm feel so lost right now. People that graduated with me or are graduating in the spring has they're life figured out and has a job waiting for them. As for me, I don't know exactly what I want to do in life. I know I want to work in either the fashion, beauty, or entertainment industry, but I don't know exactly how to go about it because I don't live in LA or New York. 2014 will definitely be a year of challenge for me. I love reading posts like this because it gives me assurance that I am not alone with these type of struggles. Hope 2014 will be an amazing year for you :)


  76. It sounds as though I suffer with similar control issues as yourself and I completely agree with you about how the blogging world changed so much in 2013! Not that my blog is in anyway popular, but I completely gave up blogging last year because it just didn't feel the same. Thank you for sharing your feelings, you are such an inspiration :) x

  77. I completely get where you are coming from when you say that despite having success you don't feel 'good enough'. I feel exactly the same way about myself at uni, despite being a high achiever and being told by everyone around me 'you always do well' and that sort of thing I feel like I'm not good enough and sometimes that I shouldn't even be there, I've driven myself to full on anxiety attacks! Having read this it is nice to realise other people feel like this, I never say anything, bottling these anxieties up more because I don't want to sound ungrateful or whiny. This year I graduate so full steam ahead, will be trying to make the most of it and new years resolution is to step outside my comfort zone in life. Here's to drawing a line under 2013!

  78. I think it was really brave of you to write this blog post, it's so hard to remember that bloggers aren't always as happy as it seems, I mean it's really easy to write a cheery blog post whilst you're feeling crap and people tend to forget that not everyone's life is peachy all of the time. I really hope that you "find yourself" again and become a happy bunny once more. And even if you don't think that your blog has "improved" or whatsoever during this year, I just want you to know that 2013 is the year that I discovered your blog and yourself among others have inspired me to start my own blog. I honestly think that you have one of the best blogs out there, and whenever I log onto the internet, the first thing I type in the search bar, is your blog. I think there's obviously a lot more pressure if you're a daily blogger because you constantly have to be thinking of things to write about, and you feel like you need to always be cheery. Personally, if I'm feeling a bit down then writing a blog post pretending to be happy is the last thing I want to do and I always wait until I'm feeling better.

    I just want you to know that you inspired me to start my own blog and to really do something with my life, and your words definitely do mean something to people, especially myself. You're doing an absolutely great job Lily and I always look forward to reading what you've got to say :) xxxx

  79. Well done on sharing this honest account of your life. It must have been a difficult subject to bring forward but what you have said will be emotions shared by many others. Wishing you all the best for 2014
    Jens escapade x

  80. I've always loved your blog and I still do!
    I hope 2014 will bring you better thing Lily!

  81. Thank you for sharing your inspiring words. We all feel phoney and alone sometimes - like we are the only one's in this small reality of a bubble in our bedroom.

    But I do think that, by all the comments here above me, this is testament to why your blog is successful... because you're a real person sharing thoughts and opinions valued by others. The fact they enjoy reading your blog should be credit to your writing.

    I hope 2014 is a good year for you, and this this message relieves others in the same position, with the same raw emotions as it did me.

    Alessandra. xxxx Ps. I'm 21, live with a friend in London, and still sleep with the tv and light on for fear of the dark. If you knew everyone's night time secrets, you'd be amazed.

  82. You're incredibly brave for sharing what you have so publicly!! Even with all the down sides of blogging and the blogging world, you just have to remember you will never be alone in it!! :) I hope 2014 brings you everything you hope for!! :) x

  83. Okay I am going to sound really old in this comment...but I am :)

    You shouldn't forget that you are young, and with that in mind please don't stress much about now or the future. You shouldn't feel beholden to PR's or the whole blogging marketing schema. Do what you want and just grab the chances as they come. Remember people follow you for "you" - not for the BS events/competitiveness and I think you know this already which is why your blog remains refreshing.

    Don't waste time worrying about where you are going/what you are doing. I always say that people have a free pass until they are in their late 20's. Then, maybe, you get focussed. But until then just have fun and enjoy every crazy opportunity. :)

  84. You are a really inspiring girl even at 23 years old. I agree with everything you've said about what's happened to the blogosphere. I started in 2011 and it's changed so much. I get some incredible opportunities but I totally know what you mean about not feeling good enough for them. I love your honesty in this post and it's let us get to know the really Lily Melrose a bit better. Like you, I don't share much of my personal life on the internet but I definitely think there are the right times to just put a little bit of out there. I would love to find out more about you through your blogs and channels in 2014, I'd love to know which blogs/channels you really like, and more about your experiences working full time as a blogger/freelance journalist and living in London etc.
    I wish you all the best in 2014, and don't ever be afraid to share stuff with us - I think you'll find there's more people who relate to you and understand than there would ever be who judge.
    Love, Rebecca-Louise
    Autumn Leaves - UK Beauty Blog

  85. I'm sorry you had a bit of a rubbish time this year. I know exactly what you have been going through in terms of relationships and not feeling good enough. However, I need to tell you that you have nothing to worry about! You will find yourself and in turn, someone who cares about you for you and brings you up and doesn't put you down. Life sometimes becomes pretty shit, but it'll get better!
    I am an avid reader of your blog and I really enjoy reading both beauty and fashion sides. I hope 2014 brings good things for you!


  86. As a long time reader and a girl who grew up not too far from you, I just want to say you are someone who proves that anyone can matter and make a difference, however small. I haven't been able to believe in myself enough to keep a blog or even carry on writing but your blog never fails to make me think that with a kick up the arse I might get to where I'm going. You are a talented 23 year old with the best music taste ever and amazing sense of style. And if others can't see that it's there loss. Hope 2014 is ten times better for you.

  87. You're so inspiring and I've always loved the things you've put out on the www. Goodluck on 2014 and I hope you continue to do what you do. =)


  88. I've been watching your videos and reading your blog for a while now and sometimes do think that you look unhappy, almost behind your eyes. I have had my own struggles and think I noticed some of the ways I was within your persona (a therapist told me I should look at becoming a behavioral therapist ha)

    I don't know what has gone on in your personal life obviously, but things really do get better and being honest with yourself is the first step. I think you are great, funny, quirky and beautiful. Stick with it Melrose, this thing called life likes to make things interesting for us all now and again, but you've got it sorted deep down, I'm sure. You've just gotta find it. All the best!


  89. This comment has been removed by the author.

  90. Hi Lily,

    Thank you for sharing such an honest post. I hope 2014 brings you continued success with your blogging and related ventures and more importantly, confidence and happiness. I've been reading your blog for a couple of years and you are a definite inspiration for me. I resonate with a number of things you've said in this post and in your last one too; mainly in that 'in the wider world', I'm put on a pedestal as the entertaining/ cool person or whatever (which makes me cringe to write), but I can't help but feel this isn't a true representation of me, I never feel I live up to that accolade and feel such a let down, which in turn makes me feel even more awkward and gawky... it's just a never ending cycle!

    Anyway, I'll cut the rambling on my part. Once again, thank you for the post; I have recently started writing my own blog, about the types of feelings and events that you describe in this post as a way to release all the pent up frustrations and anxieties I have. I don't know if it'd be useful to you, but if you are interested in having a little read, this is the link: http://helloanonymousme.blogspot.co.uk/

    Best wishes for the NY,

    Elle x

  91. Such a moving post really touching as like you say you never know what goes on behind social media i.e. real life as things can always look different from what they really are! Its great you have spoke about this and got a lot of your chest as this will have helped you realise what was making you unhappy and hopefully now you can take control and 2014 will be all about you and bettering yourself as a person :) xx


  92. It is so refreshing to read such a lovely, open, honest blog post from a blogger as big as you.
    It seems as though you really have things under control now and I hope 2014 is awesome for you. xx

    Leanne - A Slice of My Life

  93. I just wanted to let you know that I always save your blog to read last, like saving the best bit on your plate! You're always so fun to read and I love the self-taken pictures you do. It feels so much more 'real' than those editorial style pictures on other blogs. Never stop believing in yourself, because you are great!

  94. I don't often comment of posts but I was honestly so refreshing to read such an open and honest blog post, Thanks Lily. Stay positive x

  95. I've read your blog for years and I think you're an incredibly inspiring young woman. I completely relate to this post and as much as I love your style and personality I think this right here is THE most I've identified with you for as long as ive read you blog! I suffer from anxiety and depression and as many people as I have in my life telling me I am good enough its sometimes not what you need, I could feed into your 'ego' by saying how beautiful and everything I think you are as could many people on here, truth be told you've never looked so amazing as right now for saying it honestly and showing that even someone that looks so perfect from the outside can be going through so hard times too! Its refreshing to see a blogger as successful as yourself be so open. Thank you lily, you're stronger than you think! x


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